Fear

Fear, what do I fear the most, I fear death. I don’t really fear death its self, I fear not knowing how or when I will die. It just kinda freaks me out. I like to think ill die in my sleep and it will be painless, but you never know till that time comes. I hope I get to live a long full life and be successful. I want to have a family and a house of my own that I paid for and a car of my own that I paid for. I look forward to when I have a family and kids and growing old. But theres always that fear of death lingering in my mind. I’d like to see what I could achieve before I go, I’d like my life to be of some significance. I really want to be able to do things I want to. I’m not one to have a “bucket list” I have pretty simple goals, but I’d like to leave this earth knowing I gave 110% and I left it all on the table. It’s a really depressing topic talking about death, great now im gonna be depressed the rest of the day, ive been doing good all day! I’m personally working on not fearing as much anymore, I have anxiety that kicks in and makes me worry and afraid of stuff that hasent even happened and probably never will, its just stuff I make up in my mind. My girlfriend always tells me to pray about it, so I do. i guess I could also say im afraid of not knowing what to do with my life. I’ve been waiting on my calling for some time now, just waiting. It kinda scares me not knowing what I want to do with my life, like I said I’d like to know what im capabale of doing before I leave earth. Theres several things I want to do, fight an mma fight, do a mud runner, graduate college, have a family and get married, have a career, etc. I guess I need to stop worrying so much. I fear things that haven’t even happened. I wish I didn’t fear so many things. Im working on it though. I need some more coffee, im tired.